In 2019 I had a very unexpected and unwanted visit from P.T.S.D. I say unexpected because I did not realize at the time what was happening. There I was making my way through day-to-day life the same as we all do until suddenly, I wasn’t. I was at a dead stop. I couldn’t focus. I wasn’t functioning. I wasn’t living. I was just … still.
As a hobby writer I tend to write many thoughts and stories down anyways and as I recovered from this visit from P.T.S.D it became clear that I needed to express myself in some way. Although I can and have verbally talked about the experience, I found it very difficult to write a memoir style story about it because the intensity of my memories acted as a trigger for me and just didn’t allow me to move forward with it. But this poem did come out and I’m grateful to this magazine for allowing me to share it.
Never be afraid to ask for help.
Life was good
Just cruising along
I never saw it coming
Doing the things I’ve always done
Just strolling along
I never saw it coming
Then the fog rolled in hot
My cruise came to a sudden stop
I never saw it coming
The voices, they started taunting
The faces were suddenly haunting
I never saw it coming
I did not know if it would end
My couch became my new best friend
I never saw it coming
People talked, I cried and I laughed
This thing, it was really kickin’ my ass
I never saw it coming
Death and dying, I guess I’ve seen too much
What I need right now is a very gentle touch
I never saw it coming
You need to get out, you need to go
I have a family to support, in case you didn’t know
I never saw it coming
People kept telling me “You’ll be alright”
It was a knock down, drag ‘em out, brutal fight
I never saw it coming
But it finally happened, the dam finally broke
I was optimistic, I had reason for hope
I never saw it coming
The sun broke through, the fog rolled away
My daughter gave me reason to go outside and play
I never saw it coming
In the end I went back, I made my choice
This all made me realize that I too, have a voice
I never saw it coming
My family, my friendships, my ever-present wife
Now I truly know what’s important in my life
And I never saw it coming
