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I Never Saw It Coming

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In 2019 I had a very unexpected and unwanted visit from P.T.S.D. I say unexpected because I did not realize at the time what was happening. There I was making my way through day-to-day life the same as we all do until suddenly, I wasn’t. I was at a dead stop. I couldn’t focus. I wasn’t functioning. I wasn’t living. I was just … still.

As a hobby writer I tend to write many thoughts and stories down anyways and as I recovered from this visit from P.T.S.D it became clear that I needed to express myself in some way. Although I can and have verbally talked about the experience, I found it very difficult to write a memoir style story about it because the intensity of my memories acted as a trigger for me and just didn’t allow me to move forward with it. But this poem did come out and I’m grateful to this magazine for allowing me to share it.

Never be afraid to ask for help. 

Life was good

Just cruising along

I never saw it coming

Doing the things I’ve always done

Just strolling along

I never saw it coming

Then the fog rolled in hot

My cruise came to a sudden stop

I never saw it coming

The voices, they started taunting

The faces were suddenly haunting

I never saw it coming

I did not know if it would end

My couch became my new best friend

I never saw it coming

People talked, I cried and I laughed

This thing, it was really kickin’ my ass

I never saw it coming

Death and dying, I guess I’ve seen too much

What I need right now is a very gentle touch

I never saw it coming

You need to get out, you need to go

I have a family to support, in case you didn’t know

I never saw it coming

People kept telling me “You’ll be alright”

It was a knock down, drag ‘em out, brutal fight

I never saw it coming

But it finally happened, the dam finally broke

I was optimistic, I had reason for hope

I never saw it coming

The sun broke through, the fog rolled away

My daughter gave me reason to go outside and play

I never saw it coming

In the end I went back, I made my choice

This all made me realize that I too, have a voice

I never saw it coming

My family, my friendships, my ever-present wife

Now I truly know what’s important in my life

And I never saw it coming

B.T. Murray

B.T. Murray

B.T. Murray lives on the far east coast of the beautiful country of Canada. He is quite old and is not going to admit how long he has been a paramedic. Any opinions put forward in his articles, unless otherwise stated, are his alone and do not necessarily reflect those of his employer or anyone associated with him. Updated 2021

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